Conflict Management

Have you ever had someone mad at you, and you want them to see your point of view... but you just can't seem to make any headway? Normally, when conflict arises, people take it as an "abort the ship" alarm, but it's really someone asking you to help them clean their mirror so they can see clearer. Warning: This is only cool, if in the context of a mutually loving relationship, where friendship is the goal.

1. If the conflicted doesn't listen to you, you need to give them space. Space is beneficial for both the conflicted and the listener, because now they conflicted can point out the mess on their mirror, and the listener can go and get the right tools to help clean it off. Sometimes, space may take longer than you think... but it's OK because you want to make sure you really get the mirror squeeky clean!

2. Reason # 2 why conflict management is SO cool. Conflict brings clarity. For most people, confrontation is avoided. But why not try to embrace it, because who doesn't love clarity, and feel AHMAZING when they have it? so if it takes a little "abrasive rubbing" to bring some peace of mind... well, let's do it. Validating someone you love, is always worth it. Their feelings are real, and should be taken seriously. This is a sign of a loving person.

3. Choose your battles wisely. (And I say this with a side note: Some mirrors can be easily cleaned off by yourself. So the magic here is to develop some discernment. Ask yourself, "Can I resolve this problem on my own, by knowing I am loved? Or do I really need some help seeing clearly right now, And it's PERFECTLY FINE if you need a little help ) Back to the point, only convictions are worth confrontation over... all other things are just wildly dreamy plans, that can be changed and arranged. Make em good and fun dreams thought, we've only got one chance to live! :)

4. Make-ups are VERY good. And they usually set you back on a right path... the path somewhere along the walk, you walked off... but now, after a little conflict... you get to start fresh! Ahh freshness!! So good!

5. And lastly, patience. Being patience with each other, is a sure sign that you love them. Just like sanding down wood, makes the wood smooth, so does a little sanding of relationships... they run smoother that way, it just may take a little elbow grease.

Conflict is necessary for the maintainance of any relationship. It doesn't mean there is a permenant problem.... because NOTHING is permenant. Conflict is also not an attack on you, so don't take it personal, just state your peace and trust. One last thing, conflict doesn't need to be pervasive, and seep into other areas of your life. "This too shall pass" the old adage reminds us, and what truth it tells.

Here is the lyrics to a song by Snow Patrol called Open your eyes. It tells the story of 2 lovers in conflict, and how there deep love and trust with each other is still present even in the midst of conflict.

All this feels strange and untrue
And I won't waste a minute without you
My bones ache, my skin feels cold
And I'm getting so tired and so old

The anger swells in my guts
And I won't feel these slices and cuts
I want so much to open your eyes
'Cause I need you to look into mine

Tell me that you'll open your eyes [x4]

Get up, get out, get away from these liars
'Cause they don't get your soul or your fire
Take my hand, knot your fingers through mine
And we'll walk from this dark room for the last time

Every minute from this minute now
We can do what we like anywhere
I want so much to open your eyes
'Cause I need you to look into mine

Tell me that you'll open your eyes [x8]

All this feels strange and untrue
And I won't waste a minute without you

Love you dearly.