Day 3/4

MC update:

Day 3 was great... I actually started to consume some solid foods today, but only fresh and organic. I may so a fresh raw foods diet for a while, and this is really exciting to me for a number of reasons!

1. The health benefits are endless. A raw food diet is packed with minerals, amino acids, and nutrients galore.

2. The energy will also be endless

3. My skin and hair will glow with health

4. Easy to prepare, delicious simple dishes.

5. Hormonal stability

6. Enjoy mental clarity, from a guilt-free and healthful diet


Some downfalls

accountability, I know this is an amazing and healthy diet, but not everyone does... I am hoping and praying for support and comradery when I need it! I want to go strong, and be known in my community as a health expert with a lifestyle that will make everyone drool! (literally :)


I am also really interested in starting a little but of a side business just to help make ends meet. I was thinking legwarmers... but I have yet to do it. Do you think I can do it? I need someone to hold my hand... lol!

Mentally: strong and guiltfree, able to make my way through the mental sludge and think with more ease

Physically: more energy today for sure!

Spiritually: Confident and secure in Jesus' love, where no counterfeit can even hold a candle up to His!

:)

Master Cleanse-Day 1

Today was officially my first day of this years Master Cleanse adventure. What I love about the MC is that it's unpredictable! I have no idea what to expect with THIS cleanse, because each one is uniquely different, designed to fit my personal needs for THIS special season in my life.

Day 1 Overview

Spiritually: Looking for approval and permission from God. Found myself in a desperate spiritual state of internal wrestling between my current state and where I want to me. Conclusion; Jesus + Me- Things= Satisfaction but...
Me+ Things- Jesus= A very sad sad Lindsay. The blog right before this has evidence of my hearts wrestling, if you care to read...

Mentally: feeling alert borderline overactive. Maybe I has too much honey ;)

Physically: Parallels to my mental... plus waves of wanting to chew on something. I am so excited to give my body a rest, and allow it to restore and revitalize itself the way God intended it to be.


Other things: Another thing I am thankful for concerning the MC is boredom. This way, I am forced to meditate, and really face the issues I can so easily bypass when I'm eating. Now I have all the time in the world to confront these issues, look at them, deal with them, and move on. What a cleansing experience in itself.

Some goals for this special cleansing time

1. To give my digestive system the much needed rest it deserves. You've been good to me DS, have a nice vacation, see ya around the 10th!!

2. Apply the time my ideas need to become realities. IE start making the dance DVD a closer reality that will make me some extra money.

3. Developing TRUST in Christ to walk me through this life the way He planned for me.

4. Allowing myself to release toxic emotions, ideas, relationships, thoughts and food from my body, to therefore, create a healthy environment for God's huge plan to flow effortlessly through me. I want to be a clean, empty vessel.

5. To enjoy the heightened sensitivities I will have towards sights, sounds and situations. I am thankful and excited to this. Plus, increased energy.

Plus, there is so much more that could happen that I can't even begin to imagine!! I will try to blog daily, so I can keep track of all the cool things happening, and you can too!

Here is how you can help; Prayer. Pray for my ability to trust God for greater things. A kind of trust that brings Him, the magnificent GLORY due to His Name!

My finances would prosper.

Nursing school would be fertile ground for the gospel, miracles and signs of Gods intense LOVE for His children.

That the next day will be better than the last!

Shalom love

can a camel gallop through the eye of a needle?

Will you take the offer of life Jesus has extended to you? Jesus has extended life to me, by telling me not to hold on to the things of this world. So, my question, as I internally investigate my relationship with GOD... am I holding onto the riches and possessions of this world? how can I test myself to make sureI am not holding on to this life too tightly?

Life with Jesus is so much more reckless than the life I would have chosen for myself. Jesus, I am longing to fully experience life by your side. Life with you leading the way. Walking next to you, experience all you do, and leaning solely on you for all my wants and needs. Please Jesus, would you look at me, and have mercy on me? I don't just like you, I want to be like you. As I give everything up to know you, you will change me to be like you. I need an experience (a reminder) that you want to take me on a journey with you... please please please... CHANGE ME! I WANT YOU JESUS!

Confession: I open up my hands to you, and I let go of all my desires, all my possessions, all my passions, all of me... and I want to forget about myself and just watch YOU. I don't know why your approval means so much to me, I also don't understand why life with nothing but you is MORE attractive than life with stuff without you. Life has taught me one thing, that "things" have no ability to satisfy me in the long term. It's only your approval that makes me feel accepted, whole and loved. I would rather this than all the kingdoms of the earth have to offer. What should I do Lord, to live by Your side always? You are the ONE I would sell everything for, in order to gain your friendship. Is that what you want from me? Draw me into your tender embrace again. Make me more like you.

To Enter God's Kingdom

13-15One day children were brought to Jesus in the hope that he would lay hands on them and pray over them. The disciples shooed them off. But Jesus intervened: "Let the children alone, don't prevent them from coming to me. God's kingdom is made up of people like these." After laying hands on them, he left.
16Another day, a man stopped Jesus and asked, "Teacher, what good thing must I do to get eternal life?"

17Jesus said, "Why do you question me about what's good? God is the One who is good. If you want to enter the life of God, just do what he tells you."

18-19The man asked, "What in particular?"

Jesus said, "Don't murder, don't commit adultery, don't steal, don't lie, honor your father and mother, and love your neighbor as you do yourself."

20The young man said, "I've done all that. What's left?"

21"If you want to give it all you've got," Jesus replied, "go sell your possessions; give everything to the poor. All your wealth will then be in heaven. Then come follow me."

22That was the last thing the young man expected to hear. And so, crest-fallen, he walked away. He was holding on tight to a lot of things, and he couldn't bear to let go.

23-24As he watched him go, Jesus told his disciples, "Do you have any idea how difficult it is for the rich to enter God's kingdom? Let me tell you, it's easier to gallop a camel through a needle's eye than for the rich to enter God's kingdom."

25The disciples were staggered. "Then who has any chance at all?"

26Jesus looked hard at them and said, "No chance at all if you think you can pull it off yourself. Every chance in the world if you trust God to do it."

27Then Peter chimed in, "We left everything and followed you. What do we get out of it?"

28-30Jesus replied, "Yes, you have followed me. In the re-creation of the world, when the Son of Man will rule gloriously, you who have followed me will also rule, starting with the twelve tribes of Israel. And not only you, but anyone who sacrifices home, family, fields—whatever—because of me will get it all back a hundred times over, not to mention the considerable bonus of eternal life. This is the Great Reversal: many of the first ending up last, and the last first."

It's the simple things...

I studied simple things like my finger and toes and marveled at their dexterity and the functions they served. I became very observant of all my bodily systems, respiratory, circulatory, cardiac, digestive and I was awestruck at the efficiency of our human organs. How could I ever have taken them so for granted? How could anyone? It was like being a multi-millionaire and not realizing that you were rich. I thought about less tangible things like sleep cycles, dreams, and animal hibernation and was filled with a newfound reverence for all living things.

Excerpt from God on a Harley by Joan Brady.

The Triune Man

The Triune Man

Listening to Gui teach on the Triune Man gave me a few things to ponder. First, explore the depths of a shameless and naked life before God. Next, ponder the wonders of marriage and the intentions of God’s heart for it. Lastly, consider the mind, body, and spirit connection and how each make up a whole. The degree in which we understand the reasoning behind God’s actions, is the same degree in which we will be able to relate and to love ourselves and those around us. Ignorance may be bliss, but knowledge is power!

Shameless and naked, are two beautifully scandalous words, with such feeing potential. Let me explain. When picturing Adam and Eve in the garden, walking shameless and naked before God, they shared perfect communion and communication with the themselves and the Father. Shame comes as a result of committing an offense, right? But God’s original intent for His creation was to never even know what it was like to make an offense. In other words, shame was never even a word in their vocabulary! There is confirmation in my Spirit-man when I hear that I was never meant to experience shame. However, because of the bible, I understand that the fall made us vulnerable to a life covered in shame. Glory to God, the truth that makes my heart sing, is knowing Jesus came to restore us back to our natural habitats, even though it will be a process, only fully perfected in heaven. However, because of Jesus, I can experience shameless living here and now, and enjoy the communication and communion Adam and Eve felt in the garden, even if it is only in doses.

Next, I would like to take you with me to ponder the wonders of marriage, and how God will use it to shape us more into His image. Recently, I heard that God is both male and female, and that when God looks at a married couple He sees only one being. This train of thought goes along with what Gui taught, that “marriage is God’s medicine for triune restoration of male and female.” It is just wondrous to think that God uses the act of sexual intercourse within marriage, to create a level of intimacy in which 2 people are joined to seamlessly together, that you can’t tell them apart anymore, ie babies! Gui sums up what becoming one looks like, it’s “a level of intimacy where shame is out of the picture, a connection of the soul, a merging of the spirit and a unity in the flesh.” Can marriage paint a better picture of God’s loving heart for His creation to experience the oneness He feels with the Son and Holy Spirit?

Lastly, and this is my conclusion, is that each individual part; the mind, body and soul, were designed to make a whole person. Without one of these elements, a person would be incomplete. Why do we need to develop our minds? Why do we need to control of bodies? Why do we need to cultivate our Spirits? Let me leave you with this thought... do you like to see flowers? You probably have a painting of them on your wall somewhere, or maybe the real things grace one of your tables. Nonetheless, flowers are here, and we appreciate their beauty. We are like the flowers, appreciate by all who see us, but the real reason behind our growth were the elements that helped us grow; like the sun, water and soul. The mind, body and spirit all work synergistically together to create the beautiful harmony we like to call, life! Amen.

I have a good life.

Updates:

It's already November 2010. 2010 is almost gone. I can't even begin to tell you how frustrating it is, that time passes so quickly these days. gr... but what can I do about it? Absolutely nothing! Enjoy each moment and remain thankful for the blessings I have!


What blessings do I have? What a perfect time to write them down, it's the start of Thanksgiving week. Jesus, Light these next 25 years of holidays on fire. I just expect them to be full of blessing, because of all the years the enemy has stolen from me. And then use these next 25 years as preparation for the next 25 years to pour into other lives the blessings I have received! Oh Jesus, you have come to bring me life, and more life more abundantly.

So thank YOU for the trials.

1. This first trial that I am going to share, has left me fighting a war, I didn't even know I was really in. We just had a really powerful time of teaching in my church called, Eleven. I left there with so many awesome words of encouragement (that I'll share afterwards) and a renewed passion and zeal to serve Jesus Christ whole heartedly. But at the same time, I felt like the enemy was sent to destroy somethings in my life, that really are near and dear to my heart. My relationship with my love, Ryan, was really being tried. Lots of doubt and fear was circling around me, prowling and roaring, making me feel intimidated and full of fear. So, I am PRAISING JESUS, because HE is setting thing RIGHT all over the earth. I have a loving Saviour, who has come to fight the battles for me. I have faith that He is sending out warring angels on my behalf, to see the plans He has for me fulfilled. So, I seriously, am just so thankful for my relationship with Jesus. My trust and rest are in Him. I am so excited to be in His word again. His word brings me so much life, and joy, and understanding, and power. OHHHHH I love it so much, He fills me in every way, satisfying my desire, and everything else is just an extra sweet kiss.

2. I am also thankful that He even plans my days for me. There isn't an hour that goes by, that is unplanned by Him. It's funny, because sometimes, I will be thinking, man I would rather do this or that, but OK, I already made plans. And God will just reorganize my life, and it's perfectly 100% what I want. I am thankful that!

3. The Edmonds can use the truck! I am glad about this, but I am also praying we come up and live out a good deal. I would like to be taught how to invest by Bruce's dad, and if I should get some money for it, them Lord, let me know how much. If this is a resource YOU are moving me to give, then do it. I would rather it be used, than sit in my driveway taking up space. Have your way precious Jesus. You give and take away, but my heart will choose to say, Blessed by YOUR NAME!

4. My roommates. I don;t ever want to leave them! They are so awesome! Ginger is happily on vacation, Aleks is more and more beautiful to me each day, so is Emma. I have to sweetest friends, and they live with me and pay me rent. Could it be any better? :)

5. I put an offer on the apt, and I know there will be favor and blessing around it. I haven't really told anyone about it, but yeah, it's going to be awesome, and I am thankful and excited to be investing some of my money into things I feel will be beneficial in making me less dependent upon a full time job, which my goal is to live off residual income, and do really well at it!

6. I start school in January, and I can't believe it! I will be in school again! I am thankful because I am learning a trade that will potentially make me really desirable for the mission field. I want to be equip and full available to the work of Jesus. My life, is to be fully lived for Him, and Him alone. Jesus, would you gracefully show me the ropes?

7. My friends are amazing. I am surrounded by fearless, smart, faithful, kind, strong and loving brothers and sisters. Jesus, would you strengthen them, and let Your word flow ceaselessly through them. Use them to destroy strongholds and breakdwon the enemies walls of separation. Such ferocious daughters and sons.

8. My whole house is great, I can do anything good. My house is a house of worship and prayer, lit up like a fire in the Holy Spirit!

9. I am thankful life isn't over yet, because I want to go white water rafting one day. I want to see India and Israel.

SO that is the update! If you don't know Jesus this way, and you want to, then just pray, and ask Him to show himself to you. If you draw near to Him, He will draw near to you. James 4:8

Thanks for reading!

Gimme a T for Trial!

There is nothing better than Love
I know it comes from straight above.
Will we trust you fully with ourselves
and live out the way Your Word tells?
Something I like, is opening your word
and telling people things they've never heard.
Would you send me out to talk to them
or have a home for fasting and prayer?

Could I open up a place where I could fast leaders in a healthy retreat-like way? It would be a service to the body of Christ. Powerful manifestations of the Holy Sprirt. Oh yeah! The Spirit likes to have fun! :)


WOW! and it could be for leadership who are going through physical, mental or spiritual problems? Lord, that would be awesome!

That totally turned into a dream, instead of a poem... but oh well, it's my special creation and it's all good. :)

Praises:

God answered my prayer and turned my heavy heart into praising.

Conflict Management

Have you ever had someone mad at you, and you want them to see your point of view... but you just can't seem to make any headway? Normally, when conflict arises, people take it as an "abort the ship" alarm, but it's really someone asking you to help them clean their mirror so they can see clearer. Warning: This is only cool, if in the context of a mutually loving relationship, where friendship is the goal.

1. If the conflicted doesn't listen to you, you need to give them space. Space is beneficial for both the conflicted and the listener, because now they conflicted can point out the mess on their mirror, and the listener can go and get the right tools to help clean it off. Sometimes, space may take longer than you think... but it's OK because you want to make sure you really get the mirror squeeky clean!

2. Reason # 2 why conflict management is SO cool. Conflict brings clarity. For most people, confrontation is avoided. But why not try to embrace it, because who doesn't love clarity, and feel AHMAZING when they have it? so if it takes a little "abrasive rubbing" to bring some peace of mind... well, let's do it. Validating someone you love, is always worth it. Their feelings are real, and should be taken seriously. This is a sign of a loving person.

3. Choose your battles wisely. (And I say this with a side note: Some mirrors can be easily cleaned off by yourself. So the magic here is to develop some discernment. Ask yourself, "Can I resolve this problem on my own, by knowing I am loved? Or do I really need some help seeing clearly right now, And it's PERFECTLY FINE if you need a little help ) Back to the point, only convictions are worth confrontation over... all other things are just wildly dreamy plans, that can be changed and arranged. Make em good and fun dreams thought, we've only got one chance to live! :)

4. Make-ups are VERY good. And they usually set you back on a right path... the path somewhere along the walk, you walked off... but now, after a little conflict... you get to start fresh! Ahh freshness!! So good!

5. And lastly, patience. Being patience with each other, is a sure sign that you love them. Just like sanding down wood, makes the wood smooth, so does a little sanding of relationships... they run smoother that way, it just may take a little elbow grease.

Conflict is necessary for the maintainance of any relationship. It doesn't mean there is a permenant problem.... because NOTHING is permenant. Conflict is also not an attack on you, so don't take it personal, just state your peace and trust. One last thing, conflict doesn't need to be pervasive, and seep into other areas of your life. "This too shall pass" the old adage reminds us, and what truth it tells.

Here is the lyrics to a song by Snow Patrol called Open your eyes. It tells the story of 2 lovers in conflict, and how there deep love and trust with each other is still present even in the midst of conflict.

All this feels strange and untrue
And I won't waste a minute without you
My bones ache, my skin feels cold
And I'm getting so tired and so old

The anger swells in my guts
And I won't feel these slices and cuts
I want so much to open your eyes
'Cause I need you to look into mine

Tell me that you'll open your eyes [x4]

Get up, get out, get away from these liars
'Cause they don't get your soul or your fire
Take my hand, knot your fingers through mine
And we'll walk from this dark room for the last time

Every minute from this minute now
We can do what we like anywhere
I want so much to open your eyes
'Cause I need you to look into mine

Tell me that you'll open your eyes [x8]

All this feels strange and untrue
And I won't waste a minute without you

Love you dearly.

There's no architecture to how I feel.

This is going to be a prayer, one asking for guidance, confessing my naievety and praying for correction. Yeah, thing have been working out terrificly. But is what I want, worth what I need?

My only desire...

Is Christ. I have set up my life around this one thing, this One person, this One God. I just love Jesus. I feel comfort and eternal security constantly. But right now, I feel like I am in a challenging position. To what degree do I submit myself to the outside world... without compromising my personal convictions? Being in the world but not of it. I need to remember Christ when He drew a line in the sand, waiting for the person "without sin" to cast the first stone upon the women caught in adultery. Or the time the women was at the water well, and He knew she had no husband, and that this fellow she has with now wasn't the right man for her either. But Jesus, He didn't condemn these women, he knew their hearts were broken and hurting. Well right now, so is mine. Am I really capable of being Christlike in this situation, when I am just as broken as the person? Christ look upon me with love. I just want to help out, by giving what I can give.

Dad update:

I friggin miss him. He always saved me when I had a flat tire on my bike. Is someone going to help me now? Without him, am I going to be OK? SOmetimes, I feel scared. I wish I could ask him what he would do if he were me. God, please come through for me. I need you, and I am frightened.

Scripture: Do not fear for I am with you, Do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you, and uphold you with my mighty right hand.

Prayer Requests:

Prayer for Amy to be exactly where she should be, every single second of every single day.

That God would lead the right people into my house soon. So I can start finding some stability

To be strong and courageous in EVERY and ALL situations! Fearless...

Praises:

Thankful for the children at camp eleven. There joy and laughter. They hearts to worship JESUS CHRIST through dancing. What an honor! Thank you God!

Honesty and communication within relationships.

Great and fun friends!

You take my thoughts into paradise.

Today, while I was at the beach, I was remembering something that I have always said I would do for my children... which is to surround then with art, color and beauty. I felt like these things enable human beings to connect with their innate gifts and callings. Something all children should have the opportunity to take advantage of. It should be so common, so contrite, that they don't even notice anymore... right?

Well, to go along with this thought, since my dad has passed...( which still feels surreal, btw) I have been reminded over and over about what a GOOD father he was. And God is our Father in heaven, and so these thoughts came to me today... God seriously gives us the most beautiful masterpieces, everyday! I can look up in the sky at any point in the day and see something my eyes have never before seen. The sky is so common, so contrite, yet so amazingly unique, everyday! What a beautiful and loving dad He is. Jesus, I love your Father, thank YOU for showing me how I could reach Him. You take my thoughts into paradise.

aaaahhhhhhhhh......

::deep breathe::

Not to mention, the beach was absolutely beautiful today. I would like to go again tomorrow. My heart is healed there. A place where I feel my heart is held tightly by the tender hands of Christ, and THERE I am at peace. At the shore, I can feel the waves touching my feet, the water is allowed to embrace me everywhere... and nothing can be hidden from its invasiveness. When I'm in the ocean, the water is very generous, and luxurious... covering my body, delighting my soul and obviously captivating my mind. I don't know how or why I was made with this desire, but it's soothing. Just remembering it, makes me feel relaxed.

Prayer Requests

Robbie and Zoila to move into my house at the perfect time.

My schedule to fit perfectly together.

Camp 11 to be Kick a$$

ThankFULLness.

My friends who are voting for my kitchen.

Finally writing and having ideas

Amy bringing a car load full of organic fruits and veggies.

Peace and Quiet tonight to sit with me, and Marley too :)

And for you reading all the way to this point.

Thanks and God bless you with LIVING water abundantly

broken hearted praises :)

Dear Journal,

Dad Thoughts: I really miss him. I read a quote that went something like this... "you grief because you loved." I'm glad to hear that. I didn't realize that before. I really love my dad. I really REALLY love him. I am so thankful he is my dad. I keep hearing him laughing in my head, when I see him in my thoughts laughing... i smile. Such a warm smile and contagious laugh he had.

Everyday Life: Cleaning all sorts of things... the garage, the yard, the family room, even my body. I am doing a cleanse right now of Apple Juice, in hopes to cleanse my kidneys and gall bladder. I feel like even my emotions are getting detoxified. This feels real good.

I started dancing again, with Many But One. I love them, they are such a beautiful group of people. We are taking a trip up to North Carolina in a few weeks to dance. I am excited about this, because I don't really know what to expect. Mrs. D said we are going to share our stories... boy can I give them one! ANd the funny thing is... that I really don't consider myself a good speaker. I think i am a far better communicator writing than I am speaking. Oh well... if God used a jackass he could use me too.

Boys: I make these topics up on my own. I just sort of go with the flow of my thoughts... My nephews got mohawks yesterday, and they are boys. I had the thought today while cutting the grass, "I need a boyfriend so he can cut my grass! Maybe I'll pay him with kisses on the face." I thought that was good enough. I hope I get a boyfriend who would be eager to cut my grass. :)

Yoga: i like it. I sends blood pulsing throughout my body. I makes me feel inflated.

Schedule: It's been pleasantly packed. Each day seems like it has it's own load to unpack, and when I wake up in the morning... I ask God to unload it with me. I think He responds... "You got it, I am all ready!" I like Him, He's my man. He has been the strongest man I've ever loved. I am glad to be loved by Him in return. This makes me feel complete.


other... my friends are voting for me to win a free kitchen makeover and groceries from whole foods for a year. I really want the groceries and need them too. If you read this you can vote for me too. Look for my name, Lindsay Brown Go to Panda Kitchens

http://www.pandakitchen.com/t-panda-contest.aspx

Friends: i love em! Thanks God!

"God is near to the broken hearted."

do you love me enough to let me go...

I'm telling you, the new Switchfoot CD is probably the best CD I've heard in a long time!

Updates:

Daddy is home. He hasn;t eaten in 3 days now, but his thirst level is really inquenchable. I have no idea if he is going to pass away soon, or weeks from now, all I know is that he is very weak. He is sleeping right here, in this very room with me. I am so happy right now, because he is home. It's been 8 long and traumatic days in the hospice center. Praise God that's over for now. I shall keep you posted.


"Every seed dies before it grows..."

i think you should leave my yard...

i said to the frog. those frogs are getting bigger! Just a few weeks ago, Aiden and I were catching them as little babies. Now, now they are massive! As big as my hand! I won't be touching them now.

So today, today was a very unbelievable day. My dad fell from a seizure and hit his head on the something. When I heard him groaning, I popped up out of bed, in a panic to see what was happening. He was laying on the floor shaking and bleeding. He had bonked his head on the descend down. Lying there seizuring, with blood dripping from his injury. Powerless. Vulnerable. Helpless. Frieghtened. Scary. Sad. Panic. Calm. Call 911. Insurance. Questions. Bleeding. Seizure. These words are running through my head. I grabbed a towel, wiped the blood from his arm and face, flipped him onto his back and prayed. Composing myself, I went and calmly called 911, hoping to disguise my worry with a calm patient voice, and reassuring pets on my dad's silver head of hair.

The medics came shortly after I placed the call to 911. The asked my dad, "How did you fall?" he slurred, "she pushed me" pointing his index finger at me. No grin or crack in his smile, that's all dad. Always a joker. He was slurring his speech a little, and more so later, but his humor was still there. Thank you Jesus. Hospital visit flew by. Five and a half hours felt like 15minutes. Then the Hospice by the Sea in Boca. Where he is now this minute.

Breathing: Labored
Mood: humorous
Status: groggy, really sleepy
Prediction: only time will tell.

I will keep you updated.

Thankful List

1. I was home and heard him fall. I could imagine so many other painful situations that could of happened, but didn;t. I AM SO THANKFUL FOR THAT!

2. Good communication with all the people involved

3. Tomorrow I am going to recommend he be put on oxygen, to help ease his breathing.

4. He has been staying alove this long, for one reason, because he loves me.
Thanks Dad and Thanks GOD! I love you both. I don't know how I will survive without my earthly dad, but I know God has a plan.

5. The wind chimes, that remind me of the Holy Spirit's presence in my life, and around my house.

6. Facebook, and the social media it is, that I can have hundreds of people praying for me.

brain islands

Saturday, you are such a fantastic day! You started off nerve racking, but you've turned out to be quite the peaceful and restful day I was looking forward too.

Introducing new characters...

Princess King, she's ah-mazing! When I see her, I see a diligent, God fearing, intelligent young women with a bright future. When I think of her, I see God's promise over a family. They belong to God's family. EVeryone is successfully following Christ. I want my family to be like that. I want my children to feel like they can look up to their parents with expectation, appreciation and inspiration. I would also love them to have Kale eating grandparents! :)


Dear Life,

I never thought you'd turn out to be the teacher you are. You're really good at it, keep it up!

Jesus is the truest reflection of Love.

"Alone with my thoughts on Royal Palm Blvd." was the original thought for the title of this blog. I liked it, it sounded good and poetic to me. I needed to add "with my bike" somehow, but that broke the flow... But, this new title is waay better, and it came to me tonight too, after I got home. I just started singing this made up song, "Jesus was made to be worshipped, and He's the truest reflection of love." It's actually pretty good. I really like this one.

Random Thought

These are those things you think about, but don't really share for a number of various reasons..

Goal setting...
1. Making bicycle riding look cool, in hopes of encouraging people to leave a smaller carbon footprint.

Romance
2. God is going to lead us to the right person.

Life
3. I miss colby brown. RIP baby Colby

the end of RT.


Where you treasure is, there you heart will also be.

What of my possessions that means a lot to me, would i give to someone out of love?

During Christmas time, people share stories of how they gave their best Christmas gift to someone else who wouldn't of otherwise received anything. Kids would selflessly give there special toys or games... and I was thinking, "what is the world would i give to someone?" I really don't value that many possessions. If I got a new surfboard thought, that would be a tough one to give away. On the bike ride home tonight, I had a different thought though. One that Ive never had before, but I felt more mature than ever for having it. I thought, with such nobility and sincerity, I would share with them my experience with the Love of Christ. I have received a lot of stuff in my life, but nothing that has been this powerful! Since I have been saved, I have experienced some very deep healing moments. I mean, I can only credit the hand of God. Things that would normally have sent me spiraling into a black abyss of depression, now are leaving me with a thankful heart and a farewell goodbye of appreciation. That's the HAND OF GOD. Normal Lindsay would have never been able to accept the these things, but born-again Lindsay, bride of Jesus, apple of the Prince of Peace's eye, beautiful in His eyes... see these as opportunities for intimacy with her Lover. Into-me- see. Intimacy. Anyway all that to say, I would want to share how I have been loved and accepted by the creator of the Universe, and the perfect reflector of Love, Jesus Christ of Nazareth, the One in the bible, God's Son, who came to show us the way to life.

Crazy IDEA # 1 of the night

walk the coast in Australia, Chile or Indo (anywhere really esp. a spanish speaking country), and surf a bunch of places... sharing Christ, surf, food and dance. I would REALLY like this.

another random thought that should be under the Random Thoughts section, I want to have a love that communicates with his eyes and actions that he loves me. Yep.

Shalom. Thanks for reading, hope you got something out of it.

perhaps one of the saddest days yet...

Colby's death reflection.

I don't want to sleep, my eyes are burning and swelled from all the tears and I never imagined how I could become so attached to an animal. I feel like a 8 year old who lost their favorite pet, and even more silly that I'm going to admit my feelings about it in the next paragraph.

I sat in my car tonight, imaging myself being greeted by Colby as I walked into the empty house. He would be so excited to see me, wiggling his tail in delight, and likewise ( minus the tail wagging). Honestly, Colb has been through some of my toughest times, he would "walk it out" with me, if I needed to go take a walk and clear my head. Some of my tenderest prayer times, he was right by my side, keeping me company. It feels surreal now, empty, lonely. I was thinking earlier that I normally appreciate change, because I enjoy the adventure of adjusting and growing. Not until the change is involuntarily and utterly against my "coping mechanism." I feel stripped of the things I've depended on lately. I feel overlooked and a little unloved. by God.

I know I can't always go on my emotions. God sees me, the bible calls him El Roi, the God who sees (he sure has been watching me cry a lot lately). I can't help it. It's not really only because of Colby, but Colby is a safe avenue to let out my other fears and pains.

I am pained that mentally I feel like a failure. My thoughts are so vital to the health of my entire being, but as of late, they have been angry, frustrated, negative and lacking the hope I once felt. I know the flavor of hope, and I long for it's taste to be in my mouth, but lately, tears and frustrations have been the taste. I don't like this flavor. You know, I guess I just have to wait this season out. I know there is a reason for all of this. The last times I went to read the bible, I have been reminded of God's plan to rebuild my life for His glory and honor. I really REALLY like that. And another lesson in all of this is that, even though all my fail me, God won't. He can't. He was made, He knows no beginning or end. It's impossible for him.

I did assume He had it out for me though. Taking my baby Colby like that! Then a thought poped in my head that Colby was running around in heaven and God liked him, and I immediate gave God the evil eye. Not fair God. So not fair. but that's the way it is.

I really REALLY liked him though.

Updates:

Dad's health is stable. Him and Gloria are seeing each other again. I'm happy he has someone to talk to about things. Her companionship is good for him.

Travel plans: Roadtripping to LA in a month. Uber stoked to take this cross country adventure. I feel like God has His hand in this, and I am praying it's one of those trips where everything goes seamlessly. H O P E F U L L Y. Susan invited me to go with her, because she needs to ship her car to Hawaii. She's moving there. I really REALLY want to go and visit her. :)

Love Life: Yep, I love my life. well, that's kind of a lie. but I love it probably more than I should. I am reminded of the verse, Luke 9:24 "Whoever wants to save his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will save it." It's would be successful of me to have a life of complete obedience to God. Yep.

Surfing has been a tad frustrating to say the least. The waves have been nice, but I have had trouble catching them. My problem I think is that I pop up not close enough to the back and the waves rolls on by underneath me. I have caught a few, but have lost more than I've caught, which makes me want to go try harder.

Dance camp 11 this summer for the 5-11 year olds from the Harbour. Gonna be a blessing, I'm looking for dance songs that have to do with worshipping God, and how it is seen as a gift to Him. Ok, I feel a little convicted ;)

In General I want to be like my friend Ebony, because she's a lot like Jesus. Today when I was talking to her, she was telling me about her grandma, and how she wanted me to pray for her. Her grandma is making some choices that are hurting her financially, and Ebony is a little concerned, and naturally wants to offer her advice. However, the grandma is unwilling to receive Eb's advice. So Ebony is praying for her. God will be done. The lesson I learned here, was that Ebony is going to "honor" her grandma, by letting her take the control. Lately, I have found myself at odds with my dad, sometimes being able to keep quiet, but there have been some frustrating times where I have argued back. I hate to admit that, because it's terrible to talk back, I know, and it comes so naturally! Ugh! God is super patient, I've been trying to stay more quiet. I know my dad is sick and in pain, he doesn't want to argue, but it happens.

Prayer ReQuests

For peace and ease in all my relationships.

Grace in this time of learning lessons and the application of them

Restorative down time

His Kingdom to come and His will to be done, on earth as it is in heaven.

Looks like all we needed was to look in our hearts to be… FOUND

...

i will meet you there.

I love this song.

Tell Me where are you going my son
On your journey so far from your home
Tell me what can they offer you
What can they do that I haven’t already done

I will meet you there
There in the heart of the Father
I will meet you there
There in the heart of the Son

Let Me tell you it’s breaking My heart
To see you walk down that road
But in all of your running
Remember this one thing

I will meet you there...

Oh Lord, thanks for meeting me here. I love it when your near.

new heart

a new heart is what i want. for the past 9 months I have pictured my life with a certain guy, a certain way, all minus the guy and the way! haha My head and imagination is excellent, but sometimes it gets me in trouble. So, now, no more trouble with this imaginary life. Let's make a plan for a realistic life... plus the things that already exist! Oh boy, I think we're on to something here...

Person I want to be...
compassionate
thoughtful
fearless
welcoming
open
wise
fun
powerful in conviction

My dad told me today, that he was taught to always pray for others and not for himself. If I did that, I wonder if my mind would be more focused on the joy, sorrows and successes of others, and less focused on my own wants needs and desires. I would like to practice only praying for others, and see where it gets me...

I'll fill you in when I have some data :)

Super Nerdy Bloggage

Now, I'd like to just type some stuff off my chest.

Will my eyes get worse if I am constantly looking at things only close by? I try to stretch my eye muscles, by looking all around, but I'm a little suspicious that my eye problems are from only focusing things near by. hum... interesting, maybe that would also parallell with my future planning. I like to dream about the future, but I am fearful of planning for the future. One good thing I can foresee is that I will be starting nursing school within the next 3 - 6 months. I am trying tonot be afraid, and to look forward to growing older and making future goals and plans. Sometimes I fall into the typical "baby of the family" category, where everyine has always taken care of me. Now it's time to take care of myself, it's a necessary adjustment that I have only become aware of recently. I am thankful for the enlightenment. Thanks Jesus for teaching me the ways to true life.Seriously, I like You a lot.

Opened and closed doors.

I have been praying for many weeks with a certain request, and God has defintely shut the door. I feel free. I feel thankful. Even though I wanted a different outcome, Im expectant God will make my path straight towards the goal. Love. Christ.

If I could sum up my whole life, and only say one thing to everyone... it would be "Love Christ."

This continues to change me all the time. I don't know how, or why... but it does. I am so thankful for God. His ways, this night, the door that closed, the healthy food i was blessed to eat, my dad, his favor for me, colby. i think God made me like this, therefore I thank God.

Yahhoo... new heart, start beating.. now! :)

purpose...

You tell me... What the point of life?

God IS on your side

You know what?

God is very very forgiving! I know I always say this, but nature always has the perfect picture. Take chemicals and trash and what not... say I throw some toxic painty water in the grass... that area will probably die for a few weeks... but guess what? It always grows back! What a picture of sin and forgiveness... We sin, and it may hurt or even kill something good... but not foever! God has the power to RESTORE things.

My life has been one of loss...
I lost my mom to a heart attack when I was 14,
I lost my middle brother Kenny to Prescription drug abuse,
I've lost countless relationships I thought would be with me forever.
Now I am losing my dad to liver cancer...

Life really has some painful moments. But God told me, what I will call, a secret, today. Its found in Micah, and I've never understood it before, quite like this. Maybe you will catch the flow after you read this scripture. Micah 4:10

Pain has gripped you like a woman in childbirth.
10Writhe and groan like a woman in labor,
you people of Jerusalem,c
for now you must leave this city
to live in the open country.
You will soon be sent in exile
to distant Babylon.
But the LORD will rescue you there;
he will redeem you from the grip of your enemies.
11Now many nations have gathered against you.
“Let her be desecrated,” they say.
“Let us see the destruction of Jerusalem.d”
12But they do not know the LORD’s thoughts
or understand his plan.
These nations don’t know
that he is gathering them together
to be beaten and trampled
like sheaves of grain on a threshing floor.
13“Rise up and crush the nations, O Jerusalem!”e
says the LORD.
“For I will give you iron horns and bronze hooves,
so you can trample many nations to pieces.
You will present their stolen riches to the LORD,
their wealth to the LORD of all the earth.”

I just thought it was ironic, that I was praying for God's blessing to come on my life... No more drug losses, no more losses. It;s time for restoration, time for my own family. Time for life. God , please help me! All the things that have been taken away, is because I just don't understand HIS plan! I know, inside my Spirit, that there is something more, than I can even contain.

Dear Life,

Give me all you got! I want it, I need it! God, teach me to live above and beyond what I could ever imagine!

So, there you go! Live well, honoring the Lord Jesus. He is so worth the praise in good times and bad, because He's in charge and He's on your side!

Linds

Feel it NOW... living in the moment

Paths that cross...

Today i was wondering about life. Why am I alove at this point in time with the people who are alive with me? My dad says everything has been so well planned, and I agree totally! Sometimes, friendships come and go, and even though a person maybe far away in distance, they are very near in memory, and from what my understanding of Spirit is, they are very close in that way too.

Spirit is a funny thing. not funny, haha, but funny as in mysterious; unexplainable even though I shall try my best to do so now.
If my dad's physical body is here today and tomorrow it dies... what is that residue still left? What are the feelings that linger on long after his body will pass away? Are his sayings and jokes, his laughter and the memory of his smile... are these things his Spirit living on? Memories; are they a "spirit" of something gone? The unseen world is so interesting to me, Oh! how I long to understand it in depth and truth!

So, right now, maybe our path is crossing... maybe you are reading my blog right now that I wrote at my "right now." Is time really meaningless? I mean, after all, the days DO seem to be flying by... quicker than I would like them to go. But maybe that doesn't really matter, time id just something to help us organize the destiny we are destined to live. Our paths have crossed, and praise GOD, because I needed to get this stuff out, and maybe you needed to get this stuff in! Nonetheless, even if noone ever reads this, I shall go on in my amazement of time, God, purpose, destiny and the mystery yet well organized glory of it all! :)

There was something else I wanted to mention in my blog tonight, something I have been passionate about in the last few months. That is children. Children are so SO precious, and wouldn't it be awesome to teach them ways to live that will give them real life? can I get an amen up in here? Get these lyrics by Trevor Hall... I'll highlight my favorite sections...


Mister Mister
Can I get a 10-4
Do you agree that there�s a monster at the front door
Ready to bang it down
Swallow up the town
Put the children up for ransom
And make himself a crown
Mister Mister
Do you agree
That there�s some one in this village that stole our apple seed
The ocean�s drying up
Constellations are corrupt
And all I can hear is this sound if you listen to the song, you hear sirens...
::These words are particularly powerful to me, because I feel responsible for the children I know, yet at the same time, I don't feel like I am doing anything proactive to really love and teach them the ways of life. I used to have a platform teaching dance, now I have been in a season of hiding, growth and hopefully maturity. ::

Well I believe
Yes sir, I believe
I believe in the lime tree
Well how did you find me
I believe in the power that will save
I believe that this monster can finally be tamed
Deep in the hearts of the hearts of the youth
There is a magical flower blooming parachutes
Plenty to go around
Your feet won�t hit the ground
This love it comes in pounds
Open up and taste the sound
Well I say
Well I say
I think I�ve had enough
Today gonna be the day
Last night I had the vision of a princess
Sparked up a candle and lit her up with incense
She whispered in my ear
Baby have no fear
I am here
Dry your tears
All the pirates that our near shall retire when they see my empire
No match for this angel of fire

10-4
10-4
Yes he�s at the front door
Telling me he�s gonna blow it down and that we�re captured
Oh my baby
Well don�t you be afraid
I�ve got a secret of all secrets that is keeping him away
At the back door
Back door
Baby there�s an angel
Whispering me melodies of all her hidden fables
We will never die
Don�t you ever ever cry
Protected by the queen of the sky

::it's so hard to chose specific lines, because they are all important to me. I believe Jesus is the ONLY way to God, I believe God is Love and that LOVE knows us the best! So all the talk about the "queen of the sky," and the "angel of fire" i immediately translate for myself to point to Christ. So saying that, I do believe Jesus is the ONE we should point our children to. Even if you don't have children, like myself, they still are mine, because in some weird oneness... I do believe God made us to need each other, whether or not you believe that to be true, we are still apart of this world, which God made, and are His, and are connected. So, even though that isn't my child about to run across a busy street, you can sure as heaven bet I will grab that kids arm. Or even if I saw a little kid crying, I would go and ask them "what is wrong?"

Side note: Linds, why don't you do that when you see an adult crying or about to hurt themselves? Linds, we are all children on the inside, please treat EVERYONE with that same concern and love.

Yeah, so my hope and prayer has been, "Lord, what can I do to mke an impact for the future?" Personally, I would love to buy some land somewhere, like in the amazon, and preserve it for research and exploration of nature. This delights me so much. On the same note, just having a place where people could come and enjoy nature unreservedly. To be alive within nature's loving protection. Now, I don't worship nature, I worship Jesus and God who created it... I DO appreciate and respect it TREMENDOUSLY!!!!

SO, anyhow, I guess that's about it...

UPDATES:

Dad's health is shaky and fragile. He got on a new med that messed him up, so now he is back on the old ones... the ones his body is used too. Something to keep in your prayers is that we would all be open to the journey he is experiencing... with joy and understanding. This is a beautiful twilight of his life, and I am nothing more than blessed to be able to take care of some of his wishes. I am very thankful for this time, even though, in the past have found it quite burdensome.

Wheatgrass: Feeling pretty good... the urges for sugar have quieted down quite a bit. They arn't as enslaving. :) I am happy about that! However, I do find myself snacking at night on occasion still... I am hoping wheatgrass will fill whatever is lacking so these cravings will eventually subside. Health is such a blessing, and I just want to do all that I can to live well. I am growing it on my own... and that's going well too! :)

Dance wise: Danced at the gathering, and it was, excuse my mouth, pretty kick touchy! My mind was blown away, so blessed and encouraged, I felt like it was a very powerful weekend of intercession on behalf of Negra, for friends and situation close and dear to me... a time of God showing me who I am created to be. Oh, all encompassing, AWESOME!

So, last but not least, my heart! :) She's good! Enjoying the Spring of her soul, growing and blooming in all the right ways... hopefully ;) Loving body surfing, hoping for a board in the near future! Thankful for all the smiling people around her, God thank You for making people able to smile!

I love dem questions!

Dear Friends,

Listening to the toads constant echo... when they die down, then the crickets drown out the silence. I can't even tell you how attracted I am to the night, the calm moon, the orchestra of night critters playing a melody called "Faithfulness."

Today was a very fun day! I got to go to the beach with my friends, and go body surfing. The waves were awesome for it. Then we moved North and went SUPin for a little bit. I caught some good waves, and my friend said I did well.

FUTURE PLANS: are waiting to be made, I am finding out when I start school after April 6. This will free me up to make some summer plans. You know what the coolest thing is? That anything is possible. I could end up anywhere. All I know is that I need to be here in May and in Sept. May, we have the Indian pastor staying with us. I am hoping that the Dinner/Discussion will be a blessing for him, as well as us. Then I am going to see the swell season play in concert. yay! September, I will have a new nephew, so I MUST be here for that one.

Where do I see myself in 10 years?

I would like to be confident in my ability to handle all things, accepting that the difficult/unpleasant things shape me into a women, who is respected and appreciated

Be married with a kid or 2.

Teaching dance/ yoga out of my house, and having a budding pool of talent.

Be sexy and skinny, looking and feeling full of vibrant energy

Building and built a rad recycled house for dog or kids house.

Living on the beach.

Loving myself , husband and family with all I have

Surfing, running, dancing whenever I want

Just living the life I live now, with my own family to share it with.

That would be good
If I can be vulnerable, sometimes I feel sad that I am where I am right now. Like the grass is greener on the other side. I know the truth, right here, and right now is the safest place I could ever be, because it is in the center of God's will.

THANKFUL FOR...

Karis
My virginity
The full moon
Zoila's wrists feeling better
Lily's cute self
The good waves today
Seeing Tim
Hugging Jules
Feeling shy when I start to like someone.
Taking a walk
Eating ice cream
dinner with gloria and dad
dad having a good strong day
did I say the night and the moon?
sitting out side remaining thankful for the life God's given to me
Clean hair
wheat grass
love
health
prayers
joy
forgiveness
meridians
stretching


Quite a bit!

Alright, time to go!
Blessings
Lindsay

Yummy Smoothy Recipe ;~)

Blue-Green Smoothie for One
Yield 24 ounces/710 mL (1 large serving)

This easy-to-make smoothie for one can be sipped over the course of a morning. If you find the deep blue-green color created by mixing mineral-rich kale and antioxidant-rich blueberries unusual, serve it in a mug rather than a glass.

Nutrition Note
A Blue-Green Smoothie delivers 7 grams of protein plus more than 20% of your day's supply of calcium, magnesium, and potassium, and six B vitamins (folate, niacin, pantothenic acid, riboflavin, thiamin, and vitamin B6,). Furthermore, it supplies your recommended intake of vitamins C and K and beta-carotene several times over.

2-3 cups (500-750 mL) coarsely chopped kale, firmly packed
1 1/4 cups (310 mL/180 g) fresh or frozen blueberries
1 large ripe banana, broken into chunks
1 medium-size orange, coarsely chopped
1/2-1 cup (125-250 mL) purified water

Combine all of the ingredients in a blender and process until smooth. Add water as needed to achieve the desired consistency. Serve immediately.

all that matters is what you leave behind.

Howard Lyman, "The Mad Cowboy"
We are delighted and honored that Howard Lyman, author of Mad Cowboy, a former cattleman and outspoken vegan activist will be one of our key speakers at this year's 5th Annual Vibrant Living Expo and Culinary Showcase August 21-23!! His journey to becoming vegan is a fascinating one. Here's what he has to say:

"As a fourth-generation family farmer in Montana for almost 40 years, I speak from a background of personal experience when I say that chemically based agricultural production methods today are unsustainable, and therefore ecologically disastrous. My experiences range from working in a large organic dairy to raising registered beef cattle to owning a large factory feedlot. I have farmed thousands of acres of grain and reproduced a herd of over one thousand commercial beef cows. In addition to raising cows, I have raised chickens, pigs, and turkeys. I have also grown crops such as wheat, barley, oats, corn, alfalfa, and grass.

I was involved in agriculture at a time when the call dictated getting bigger and better or getting out. I was educated in modern agriculture, and I can tell you from firsthand experience -- it is not sustainable. I followed all the modern advice and turned a small organic family farm into a large corporate chemical farm with a thousand range cows, five thousand head of cattle in a factory feedlot, thousands of acres of crops, and as many as thirty employees. I saw the organic soil go from a living, productive base to a sterile, chemical-saturated, mono-cultural ground produced by my so-called modern methods.

In 1979, a tumor on my spinal cord caused me to be paralyzed from the waist down. That changed my life forever. I promised myself that, whatever the outcome of the surgery, I would dedicate the rest of my life to doing what I believed to be right -- no matter what changes that necessitated.

The period before and after the surgery gave me much time to think about the changes resulting form my methods of farming. Convinced that we were going the wrong way, I decided to become a voice for the family farmer and the land. In 1983, I sold most of my farm and started working for farmers in financial trouble. This led to my working for the Montana Farmers Union and from there to Washington, D.C. as a lobbyist for the National Farmers Union.

For five years I worked on Capitol Hill for America's family farmers. In that time we had some small successes, such as passing the National Organic Standards Act. But even after the act became a law, it took the administration several years to allow funds for its implementation. I became convinced that the changes needed had to come from the producer and the consumers at the grassroots level. Until that alliance is put into play, the big money interest will continue to control public policy in the Congress of the United States.

The question we must ask ourselves as a culture is whether we want to embrace the change that must come, or resist it. Are we so attached to the dietary fallacies with which we were raised, so afraid to counter the arbitrary laws of eating taught to us in childhood by our misinformed parents, that we cannot alter the course they set us on, even if it leads to our own ruin? Does the prospect of standing apart or encountering ridicule scare us even from saving ourselves?

That prospect intimidated me once, and I can only wonder now what I was frightened of. It's hard to imagine, now that I'm a hundred thirty pounds lighter, infinitely healthier, more full of life and energy, much happier. Now that I have vegetarian friends wherever I go, and feel part of a movement that is not so much political as it is a march of the human heart. Now that I understand how much is at stake. Now that I've come to relish shaking people up.

I would love to see the meat industry and the pesticide industry shaken up, too. I would love to see feedlots close and factory farming end. I would love to see more families return to the land, grow crops for our own species, and raise them organically. I would love to see farm communities revive. I would love to know that I've wandered into my nation's heartland by the sweet smell of grain and not the forbidding smell of excrement. When you can't take it with you, all that really matters is what you leave behind.

Found in Living Light Culinary's E-newsletter.

you don't know what you have... till it's gone.

atleast, you do come to the place, where you realize are blessed. Hopefully, it happens before you lose something good.

It's weird to see my dad on drugs. He takes pain meds to help relieve the pain in his gut. He will become addicted to this stuff... he will never see another sober, drug-free day for the rest of his life. He has some of his "last-times" happening all the time.

I am thankful to be free from drugs, free from worries, free from everything. Thank you God.

Are you happy with where you are in life?

How can you make your life a little bit closer to your dream?

Do you meditate? pray?

I love meditation and prayer.
They are so powerful.

I know some of these thoughts are random, I hope they are nuggets of energy to keep your spirit burning with life.

Thy will be done.

Picture this:

A kid. Who has very little memory of who they were before they were 9 years old. This kid is troubled in the secret ways. Drug use with friends, mouth like a dirty sailor, resentment towards parents acting out in "back talk," and occasional law breaking activities to starve away the bordom. However, in school, this kid makes above average marks, is disciplined in hobbies and sports and has done a pretty good job earning the respect of the outside world. This kid...

Turns into a teenager, mom dies, and kid wants to get their act together. Church is a good place to find good people. Unnaturally, child tries to fit into what "good people" should be like. Nice, talk gentle, pray, go to bible studies, not associate with "bad people" anymore. Makes sense. Teen gets accepted for being a "good person," gets noticed for being able to talk to any kind of person. Doesn't the bible say we are all loved by God? Shouldn't we be in contact with anyone and everyone? Why such a big deal for noticing a person, and talking to them? Teen turns into an adult...

barely...

adult/ teen/ child, who can only remember things after 9 years old, and who is a "good person" who has the ability to talk with any kind of person, is growing up. Making decisions about spiritual life, which in turn manifest into the mental and physical life arenas. Some of her friends, are "good people" too and now some of her friends are "bad people." But this adult is realizing, no matter what, people are people. All people contribute something positive and beneficial. It just depends on how one sees it. God and God potential in everyone.

All of it boils down to me. I am still the kid/teen/adult who is struggling to remember the place where I had no memories. I only started remembering stuff when things went wrong and bad. Now, it's been one long saga, and for goodness sake, it's time for the saga to end. Book slammed shut. Placed on the shelf, or perhaps burned for all I care, because the memories from her pages will be here forever. Now, my prayer, my plea to God, who saves, is that I will live in the land of restore-freakin-ration :). Using EVERY single word from that book to be able to connect to people and therefore, connect together to God. God, I sometimes feel like He's right inside of me, and other times, I feel like I could scream at the top of my lungs and there be no response.

That's OK... because I don't give up that easy. (which is usually good, but can be bad not tempered)

I am praying for healing and restoration to come pronto, and come in a tangible way, where i finally don't struggle with feeling like an unloved and selfish human being. I know it's not too much to ask to feel loved in a tangible and healthy way, so why the delay? I mean, at this point Im over it. I have chosen the righteous way, to leave the things that don't fill me up in a pure way out in the garbage can. God knows I want the real deal, and I am open to anything he deems worthy. I want to have a clear head, to make admirable decisions, to enjoy life, to raise a fun, funky (in a healthy way) family, to help anyone and everyone around me the best way I can. Even to spend alot of time doing charitable work... I want to make God attractive to people, because He's attractive! (In the most perfect way) Even though it can be a tough pill to swallow, He can make you healthy and whole! Side note: as long as there is open and honest flowing communication.

Here are the ramblings of Lindsay Brown. If I do end up posting it, I hope it leaves the reader feeling like they have someone who has seen a few troubles and blessings, leaving you with the sense that "you really arn't alone in this" kind of feeling. My friends tell me I should talk to people about how I feel, and even though I feel uncomfortable about that, someone always ends up calling me and we end up talking about it. Writing helps me alot. I really love it when people respond to it. I get positive feedback, and it fuels my fire to be open and honest.

I read some quotes today at the doctors office. Some were cute, like the ones about being sick as a dog, and the guy looked like a dog. Some were a smidge more thought provoking, "The worst part of success is to try to find someone who is happy for you." by Bette Midler haha

so, i went home and looked up some quotes and I found this one by C.S. Lewis. I know he's genius, and blah blah blah... I get turned off when I think about reading one of his books, because of their length and unfamiliar vernacular, but I can read his quotes! I like them! Here is one I found.

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”

I feel like I do/done this. My love will not be broken. I wrap her up with hobbies and little luxuries. But I don't want to, because I want be human and feel again. I guess this place of turmoil and pain is a clear indication of my emotion. I guess suffering reminds us that we DO love. I do love. I guess I haven't sucessfully killed my love. Oh God, only you can, like you did Jesus, resurrect my heart again. It's beat is weak and tired. Pressure and stress from my attempts at unconscious suicide. Forgive me, the choices i have made, led me here, and it's not the path you have chosen for me. I didn't really choose it myself, but I let it happen. God right now, I want to ask you for guidance to get back on the right track. Intentional u-turn. I can't help but worry those same stupid fears, "God's gonna give you something you don't want, and He's gonna make you take it!" Oh Lord, I wouldn't do that to a person, even thought I might push harder if it was good for the person, because the choice really up to them. (Lie #1 demolished) but... I'm also afraid that if I chose to not take the things you recommend, that you will get tired and not try anymore. But I wouldn't do that either, I mean I may get tired and a little aggrivated, but You don't. The bible describes you as never sleeping or slumbering, always helping when we ask for it. (Lie # 2 blasted into smitherines!) Well, i ask for it.

Guide me, and keep showing me things that would give me the kind of life I am made for. Un poco de fe amor.

Thy will be done.

Psalm 40:16-17 Message Version
"But all who are hunting for you-- Oh let them sing and be happy!
Let those who know what you're all about tell then world you are great and not quitting.
And me? I'm a mess. I'm nothing and have nothing:
make something of me.

You can do it; you've got what it takes--
but God, don't put it off."

Feb. 20 You are done!

Dear Feb. 20,

You came and you went, and you left me with some mental downloads, I hope I never forget.

I hope I always remember the music, floating easily through the thin air, luring the passer-by's by its constant drum. And the way the sun felt on me as I waited behind the pole, waiting for the musics cue to tell me to start dancing. The music told the teacher to tell me to move. The rhythm makes the blood in me race, which twarks me into sharps and lines, called poses, which when strung together makes dancing. This is cool.

Dear, Feb 20,

I woke up this morning expecting to be nervous, expecting the worse, and what did I get? More than I could ask for! When I woke up, I forgot where I was. It was Susan's apartment, yeah,that's right. We drank yummy coffee together, and then walked to the beach. We didn't see the those birds eating the berries, we saw yesterday. They must of been sleeping. But the sky... Oh the sky was DIVINE! How does it look so pretty!? With clouds slung across the skies horizon, in no particular order, yet displaying perfect beauty. It wasn't long before I needed to be near the water. And it wasn't long after that until she drew me into herself. She knew I remember her embrace, her comfort. I feel like I was resting in the bosom of gentleness and strength. Health and power. Cleansing restoration and breaking of fears. I praise God. I worship Him.

This was real. This was Feb 20.

The Show:
went perfect. I really enjoyed myself, finally figured out that relaxing is the easiest way to enjoy things. Relaxation is so power-full! Who wouldn't thought?? I certainly didn't realize it!

Friends:
blessed! Susan gave me a place to lay my head, food for my belly, great conversation and a glimpse into her soul. It's downright, beautiful! bravery and adventure come to mind.
Dance Now people are as different as the colors in the crayon box. They are super special in their own ways. Lessons and Inspiration leak from their lives. Hannah and Diego are 2 tender, kind and supportive people! May their lives be filled with joy and strength.
Emma Karis and Ed. I am glad they came to support and for Zoila's call of support.

Dad:
BFF God bless him and his body tonight, may be be blessed with pain free sleep.

Feb 20, you were beautiful. You were so kind to me. I am so blessed to have had days like you, straight from Love's Hand. May Jesus be lifted up for His LOVE, and if not His Love than His miracles.

All i can say is Yes! I am one person right now, who realizes how much I am cared for... right down to the little details... like the hairs on my head! :) Thanks Jess for spraying them down!

And I can also say... Thanks!

Shine on!

ceasing the moment of silence... is yummy!

Oh how I have been longing to update this blog!

In general, life is peaceful. Super calm and enjoyable. I'm learning so much about personal responsiblity that I never thought even existed when I was younger. It's truly our responsibility to be happy. People and circumstances will always change, but will your happiness?

Quietness and stillness... my 2 favorite teachers!

I am finding out, though experience of course, that I NEED quiet time in the morning to reflect. If I don't have it, my thinking is a little less clear, and my heart more susceptable to judgment. :( And the truth is, I love every SINGLE MINUTE OF IT! It's loaded with nothing but juicy love and refueling from on high! God is so wanting to pour His Spirit of Love into us. And believe you me, you want this!!

Thoughts of my day!
Today was an extraordinary day for me personally. I was able to accomplish a small goal that I had been wanting to reach. I ran 4 miles on the beach today. I ran with awareness of my small aches, joy in my heart, and even some by standers cheering me on!! "Go Rocky, you look strong!" haha it was wonderful. But while I was running I had some of the most interesting thoughts.

1. That our bodies shed all the excess weight off of them in order to run and maintain constant activity. Why? Why does the load become lighter, when your energy output is increased? Running is a picture of the baggage we carry as people. Our childhood, fears, future endeavors and everyday worries... this is all weight. and actually, it manifests physically too. I mean it may even be passed down from family members. I know for me, I thought I would die from the same illnesses that have plagued my families history, but the truth is, I won't. And here is why... because I believe I have identified the main reason why they had health complications, ie: diet. and now I have the RESPONSiBILITY to reroute my eating habits. I feel blessed to be apart of my family, and I love every single person in my family. But they doesn't mean they have (had) all things figured out. I'm learning, and this is just one little seed I hope to pass to my friends, family, and future family one day. You can follow people, and mimick their strengths, but there comes a time when you have to own your life, your body, your thoughts, your likes, whatever, and accept it as perfectly made. Only one person stands before God on judgement day... and you need to own all the choices you made. And I LOVE THIS!! We are so blessed with lessons, and mistakes. These are also 2 great teachers. Embrace and enjoy your life. Be thankful for everything and find the beauty in every situation. I know you can, and you have before. Just keep on, keeping on. Let's keep sharing our journey in this body, praying for each other to stay strong and connected to Christ. We will all be alright! Promise!

2. I forgot! oh well.

Lindsay update:

I'm doing well. recovering from a few bruises I got during rehearsal on wednesday.

Work: Is really so deeply humbling. I feel so blessed to be able to share my art with my fellow dancers, and a paying audience. Sometimes, overwhelming emotion comes over me, I just have such a deep appreciate for God. Here's why... I have always wanted to become a professional dancer. I tried, strived, practiced, prayed, auditioned... and I was just never filled. Until now. Even if I never dance again, this experience has been so filling! The practice has been long and intense, but deeply moving. I love God so much, because only He knew that I could handle this at this stage in my life. I am growing in my faith, and trusting Him more and more with His plan. I feel like it's a path that unfolds fresh and new each day. I like it, sometimes it's familar, and sometimes completely foreign. But I love it none the less! Oh how my heart praises Him, God Almighty, maker of my soul!

Dinner Time! Blessings!

Lindsay

Unload those bullets...

Unload your gun.
Lay down your weapon
because there are NO enemies here tonight.
Hindsight may humbly remind you
that you have been the worse offender
So stop
now.
We're done with hurting
Ourselves, others and especially Love itself, God.
Accept that you have been hurt
even self inflicted pain and suffering
i am asking, "how can i keep from causing this hurt again?"
i breathe in deeply
not quite able to sit quietly long enough to be answered.
but i am hopeful.
God, help me find a way to create love in all these cracks.
i don't mind having these scars,
but let's make them useful
maybe like the grass that grows in between the sidewalk cracks?
atleast its something to look at.
I love having you in my life to talk to
i love being accepted by you no matter what
i have never had that before
and i want everyone to feel this
especially people who have felt the sting of death
the shame of abuse
the slap of rejection
the weakness of a heartbreaken

let us all see beauty in the ashes
grace in our weaknesses
hope in death and
life in LOVE

Jesus, you are the HOPE. YOU are the Hope? Yep, I can attest, you have given me hope!

I love you

Prayer Requests!
Dad's health- to see only GREAT days ahead, and to be full of hope.
Haiti' for God's grace on the living. For all to see the veauty in the ashes :(
For personal strength and wisdom in my decisions

PRaises!

Craig, the guy who takes us paddling everyday! He blesses my life with newness and acceptance, and encourages me to chase my dreams and live the life I see in my head.
The sky! it is just so touching to be apart of this world.

Day 8... Master Cleanse Download

Yes!
Tomorrow is officially Day 9 of the Master CLeanse Saga!

Day One-Fine
Day Two-Fine
Day Three- Turbo Charged!
Day Four-Super Tired
Day Five- Half way, but still Fine
Day 6- Slepping a little
Day 7-Weak and Tired. Ready to end!
Day 8- Quit because I was too weak, by drinking some green powder... BUT quickly regained my focus! I am back in the game... I will not quit! I will keep my goal! This is 10 days, by golly I shall accomplish my goal! (Lord, help me)

CHiropractor Love!

Actually, I am feeling more alive, and active tonight. I went to the chiropractor today, to see why I was having such painful back tenderness. The Dr. was a miracle worker. My back and neck feel amazing! The pain is completely gone! Just amazing what aligning your spine can do for your whole body! I didn't want to really hurn my head, because I didn't want anything to go out of place again! Seriously, I am shocked! Now all the nerves can properly travel to where they need to go. The body can now fully and powerfully heal itself.

Master Cleanse Expectations

I am hoping to become clear minded and able to resume my favorite practices again. Like quiet time with meditation. Oh, that sounds good. Before the cleanse, I have been not myself. UN-hopeful and optimistic about life, when usually I am a ball of sunshine with a big smile. Also with the cleanse I am hoping to have clear skin, bright eyes, and a clean pink tongue. These are all signs of optimal health! Give it to me Master Cleanse. Are you really the Master of Cleanses? Well, then show me what you got!!


Thankful for my Hoomies!
Yeah! So I feel alot clearer and optimistic today. I got to spend time with a lot of my friends. That;s always a bonus, and I am so thankful for the friends I have. They are smart, intelligent, generous, and dreamers! :) I like being around great folk!

So, that's the daily download for Lindsay. Ill be signing out now, with expectations for an un-imaginable tomorrow! Bring it on!

Warrior Mentality:
My new life motto. I wanna be a fighter. I wanna be a FIGHTER!!!!!!!!! Life is so precious, and it hangs on such a fragile balance. I wanna FIGHT for that balance in my life. Especially, in the areas of mental fortitude on Christ and in my eating habits.

Soldiers, they take orders from their commanders and do what they say. only. Christ is the commander and He says, "Be still" Ill be still. "Love the orphaned and outcasted!" I will love them. I have been so imperfect, and that makes me want to give you all the credit and praise, for any motivation I have. You are actually living out through me. Through me... You're unbelievable! and thank you!

But also, soldiers starve during the day and eat a lot in the night. I will only be eating one meal a day until Feb 20 (with small snacks). Then after that, I will decide if I want to stay on this warrior diet longer, ater having a month to see some results.

Prayer Requests!

To be strong in my mental and body warrior goals.

For me dad to continually to live in health.

For my friends in Costa Rica to choose to be servants of Jesus, and experience and accept real love.

For the sex trafficked kids all over the world, to experience love.

For the african child soldiers to also experience and accept love.

Love you! Thanks for reading. May God bless you with increased intimacy with Him.
Lindsay